The Ten Commandments
(for the baseball fan)
1. Thou shalt not tuck thine jersey into thine jeans, khakis, shorts, jorts or any other below the trunk garments.
2. Thou shalt not jumble thine sporting paraphernalia, Part Un. An example to consider - thou shalt not be seen sporting an MLB jersey at an NHL game.
3. Thou shalt not jumble thine sporting paraphernalia, Part Deux. An example to consider - thou shalt not be observed dressed in a New York Yankees football jersey.
4. Thou shalt not wear any sporting paraphernalia, be it authentic or replica, which does not accurately depict those actually worn by a current or former player.
5. Thou shalt not sport a cap that opposes any of the following rules:
- That does not reflect that which has actually been worn on the playing surface at some point in the past or present.
- That do not abide by actual team colors.
- Containing a larger than life, off-center, or otherwise ridiculous representation of a team logo.
- Reversed on thine melon.
- With a flattened or turned-up bill.
- That is several sizes larger than thine cranial dimensions.
6. Thou shalt not wear any sporting paraphernalia adorned with rhinestones, or other shiny precious stones or metals, or that are pink in color.
(Nor should thy wear enormous aviator glasses upon thine rhinestone studded cap. Perhaps the single dumbest thing I've ever seen.)
7. Thou shalt not wear any sporting paraphernalia purchased at Sam's Club, Walmart, Costco, etc.
8. Thou shalt not wear a jersey with thine own surname or any other ridiculousness emblazoned upon the reverse. 
Unacceptable.
Also unacceptable.
Not even remotely acceptable.
Seriously? What made you think that 877-LAW-4DUI above the number ".08" would make the grade? I'm assuming this was this moron's feeble attempt at being clever. It is, however, Exhibit A as to why public floggings on the pitcher's mound are necessary. Idiotic at best. Remember the "single dumbest thing I have ever seen from #6? Methinks I spoketh too soon. Consider the cake taken.
9. Thou shalt not wear a jersey with a surname and number of a current or former player where said surname and number do not actually appear together on the reverse. Examples include, but are not limited to:
- Ruth #3 on a New York Yankees jersey.
- Williams #9 on a Boston Red Sox jersey.
- Musial #6 on a 1944 St. Louis Cardinals home jersey.
Such things did not exist and shall not.
10. Once in your seat, do not feel it necessary to speak to those around you other than those whom you know personally. Chances are that even they do not care what you have to say, so why would anyone else? Do not leave your seat more than once per game and only do so between innings. Do not join your partner in public displays of affection, unless, of course, the scoreboard “Kiss Cam” is in use. And, finally, it is not amusing to instruct those who leave the seating area to bring beer for you upon their return. Contrary to your beliefs, it does get old after the first time you say it.
These Commandments are legal and binding by all sports and Commandments may be added or subtracted as Dave sees fit. Do not break, bend or twist any portion of the aforementioned rules of the universe. To do so will be considered to be unlawful, immoral, scandalous criminal acts against mankind, nature and the Almighty. Any violations will be viewed as a mockery of all that the baseball gods hold sacred and will be harshly punishable by sentence of lifetime Chicago Cubs season tickets.
2 comments:
I like your Commandmenrs! They are pretty amusing!
I couldn't agree with you more- particularly #6. As a woman who considers myself a huge baseball fan, there is almost nothing that angers me more than seeing pink, rhinestone covered CRAP at the ballpark. Also, I hate trying to buy women's fit baseball t's, jerseys, etc. 80% of it is PINK. Those are NOT the Cardinals colors. THEY ARE NOT.
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