Day 15: Salt Lake City, Utah

Click HERE to see today’s photos from our Mormon expedition and the Salt Lake Bees game.

Today was a strange day, or should I say, different?

DISCLAIMER:
I’m not a Mormon. I don’t know any Mormons. All I know about Mormons, I learned from four kids on South Park and Mit Romney. My knowledge is limited and most likely not based in fact. Therefore, any opinions I may have are ill-formed and ignorant.

Here’s what I think I know. The Angel Moroni appeared to Joseph Smith and gave him 3 Golden Tablets, thus announcing the restoration of the Gospel on earth. JS, therefore, was anointed a prophet, founded the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS) and translated the Book of Mormon into English. South Park also mentioned something about aliens. JS started a Mormon community in Missouri, but it freaked out the native, non-Mormon denominations who decided it was probably best to drive them out, or better yet, exterminate them. Great – pre-Nazi Nazis, in Missouri no less. Joseph and his brother, Hyrum, were martyred, which is always the smart thing to do – kill the leaders of what you believe to be religious cults or other fanatical behavior and their followers will go away quietly never to be heard from again. Several instances where this logic worked like a charm include: Jesus of Nazareth, Martin Luther King, Jr., David Koresh and the evil Voldemort, to name a few.

The golden statue you see atop most LDS temples is the Angel Moroni sounding his trumpet that the Gospel had been restored. I apologize for my ignorance, but Angel Moroni sounds like a Dominican outfielder’s name to me. (So I’m going to hell AND I’m politically incorrect. I’m eternally doomed.) I also heard that, as a boy, Joseph Smith wanted to know which religion was “right.” Since he founded one of his own, and subsequently died for it, I assume he came to some sort of a conclusion.

Oh, and Mit Romney campaigned for the Republican nomination for President and his son jacked with him on a live radio show. He seems to only wear white shirts and is always well coiffed. Signs point to Mit as McCain’s choice for VP, but who knows? During Spring Training, signs pointed to the Cardinals and Rays sitting in last place all year. No assumptions, people.

That’s my Mormon knowledge in a nutshell. Like I said, ill informed at best. I’ll say one thing for the Mormons, they have pretty awesome museums and such dedicated to their faith, although the main reason we went there was to visit the Family History Library to get some dirt on my ancestors. However, it was closed for the 4th of July on the 5th of July – a tremendous display of the illogical in my opinion.

We did, however, visit the Museum of Church History and Art and toured the grounds of Temple Square. They have an army of young Mormon women roaming around in pairs, arms filled with books, just ready and willing to guide you around or answer any questions you may have – within reason. (They don’t go into any of the secretive stuff on the first day. Similarly, you don’t go to a Catholic mass one day and meet Benny XVI the next. It just doesn’t work that way.) And every single one of them you pass says, “Hello.” A friendly folk, even if they are trying to convert me.

Anyway, check out the photos of our visit to Salt Lake’s Temple Square by clicking HERE.

We then headed to Franklin Covey Field to see the game between the Tucson Sidewinders (AAA affiliate of the Diamondbacks) and the Salt Lake Bees (AAA affiliate of the Angels). Here’s a little info on the peeps with the naming rights. Franklin Covey is a company based in Utah. Among other products, they market the Franklin Covey "planner" system, modeled in part on the writings of Benjamin Franklin, and The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, based on Stephen Covey's research (yeah, that Covey). They have 80 retail stores in the U. S. and sell their wares in more than 50 countries. More than you ever wanted to know, huh? Yeah, me too.The stadium had a great view of the mountains and the food smells were tantalizing to the olfactory senses and were just as free as those at Jimmy John’s. To partake in said foodstuffs meant parting with some sweet moolah. The Bees got blown away 6-0 and we got out pretty quickly since most of the Salt Lakers stayed for 5th of July post game fireworks. Mormons and their 5th of July. The logic escapes me.

If you missed it, or are just unobservant, click HERE to see the photos from Day 15.

Next stop: Day 16 at Arches National Park and back to Fraser, Colorado and Hernando’s Pizza with the Magill’s!

Day 12: Golden Spike, Antelope Island and Orem, Utah

Fun Fact #1: We topped 4,000 miles tonight on the way to our hotel after the Orem Owlz game.
Fun Fact #2: On May 10, 1869, two railroad companies, Union Pacific and Central Pacific, joined 1,776 miles of rail at Promontory Summit, Utah Territory with a ceremonial golden spike.
Fun Fact #3: The Great Salt Lake is the largest salt lake in the western hemisphere and is five times saltier than sea water. Only brine shrimp, brine flies, and several forms of algae inhabit the lake.
Fun Fact #4: The brawl video has amassed 2,577 views.

Click HERE to see the photos from Day 12.

We had some time to kill today before going to Orem, Utah for the Owlz game at 7:05 p.m., so we got up at 9 a.m. and headed out for Golden Spike National Historic Site. It commemorates the completion of the first transcontinental railroad in the U.S. By the way, the original golden spike is in a museum at Stanford University. Give it back, jerkfaces.

The place was in the middle of nowhere and we had to pass a rocket guidance system "factory" and testing ground on the way. That was a bit odd/scary. As for the site, it was at best, boring as all hell. Nothing was authentic - the golden spike, the last tie laid, the locomotives, NOTHING. They did, however, have a Johnny Cash CD in the gift shop that I did not have. I do now! Unless you enjoy seeing reproductions and photocopies of railroad related items and such, I'd probably recommend something else.

After that four hours of my life I'll never get back (including drive time), we left for Antelope Island State Park to see the Great Salt Lake, which was back in the direction from whence we had come. In fact, we took the exact same exit as the hotel we left just hours before. It turned out it was only about five miles from the previous night's accommodations, but Golden Spike was way north and Orem was 1 1/2 hours south, so it actually made complete travel sense.

Once we entered Antelope Island, we noticed something - the repugnant smell. It was a pretty stinky place. I'm not sure if it was because of the over abundantly salty air or things just like to poop and/or die there, but it wasn't pleasant on the olfactory senses to say the least. I'd probably rather smell feet and I HATE feet. We traveled on the causeway through a mostly dry salty lake bed until we saw the ugliest, calmest water ever. The Great Salt Lake should probably be called the "Mediocre At Best to Slightly Hideous Salt Lake." It's not very attractive from the water level and it was extremely hazy, which did not add anything to the ambiance. I hope that haze is not normal. It was as gross as the lingering scent of poopy death.

We set off for the Visitor Center where I eavesdropped as the ranger told a very loquacious Christian conferencing woman about the best possible place for her to view the 500 buffalo roaming the island. She didn't seem to grasp the fact that one could not "off-road" in the park. Armed with my newly overheard possible buffalo whereabouts information, we set out in search of them and antelope, the island's namesake. We drove for eleven miles seeing only this sign warning of the beasts. I think this was a sign from God for the loud Christian lady. Even so, I was ready to turn Indy Car 2007 around until this happened right before our eyes:
Pretty sweet, huh? Or is that too many buffalo for one trip? We did see some pretty sweet views of the wetlands, mountains, brine shrimp and the lake, so it probably wasn't as bad as I'm making it seem. I probably would never go back though. It, like the Golden Spike, is just one of those things to do while you're in the area. Never, and I repeat, NEVER make a trip out to Utah specifically to see either of these destinations. They aren't really the preeminent vacation spots.

We finally saw an antelope, which was much more difficult than locating buffalo for some reason. Perhaps changing the name to "Buffalo Island" is in order? Just a thought for the Utah state park folks.

We left Antelope Island for our ninth baseball game (out of ten) in Orem, Utah. The Owlz (yes, with a "z" for some unknown reason) were playing one of the teams from the brawl the other night. You know, the game with my YouTube video that now stands at 2,500+ views? Yeah, that one.

We arrived early, got our tickets and went to get some Orem Thai food. Not nearly as good as the Portland Thai food, but it was tasty and it wasn't fast food for a change. After dinner we headed back to Brent Brown Ballpark and began the photographic rituals - the photos of us with Hootz, the mascot; the field panoramic shots and then the Orem hotties of which there were plenty. Besides ponytails, cammo and shaggy hair, jorts seem to be all the rave on our western/northwestern road trip this year. Jorts are back y'all! Rush out and get yours now, unless, that is, you still have yours from 1984-89.

It was a pretty typical game until I left for a water bottle refill in the sixth inning. When I returned to the seats, I saw a pink and teal gym bag hanging out of my row. I was getting ready to ask the woman to move when I noticed it was a man. In fact, he was a blind man with a headset radio covering his auditory appendages to listen to the game. He had just sat down in the aisle seat, just two seats from mine. Cool, I thought, a blind man loves baseball so much, he comes to the ballpark for the sounds, smells and tastes. A true fan - I was a bit moved by his dedication to the game. Then I had to make the pastime-loving blind man, who had just parked his posterior, get up to let me get back to my seat. He then asked my name, introduced himself as "Ron" and shook my hand, which was slightly odd, but fine. See Ron pictured at right.

Then I noticed that Ron did something I thought to be odd for a blind man attending a baseball game- he took the headset radio off. What's he going to do now?, I thought. Can his other senses compensate for not being able to see the game? His next query made me realize what my new friend had in mind. "Was that a strike?" Ron didn't need his headset anymore because I was just hired as his own personal play-by-play man. I felt uncomfortable with my new job. You see, there are baseball rules. No tucked in jerseys. No jerseys with your own name on the back. No thug-a-sized hats with super large logos still adorned with the tages. No children under the age of six weeks dressed in cammo. Most of all, no asking incessant questions to distract Dave from the game he loves...even if you are blind, Ron.

But they kept coming at me, rapid fire. "What's the count?" "Is he still on first?" "How many outs?" "Is Idaho still batting?" FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, RON, PLEASE LISTEN TO YOUR NERDY HEADSET RADIO! But I kept answering, so Ron kept asking.

Oh, it doesn't stop there. Ron then pulled a cowbell out of his pink and teal gym bag, asked me how many men were in scoring position, held it aloft and repeatedly bellowed, "The bell is ready!" I don't mean a few times, I mean about twenty times...in a row. I took that to mean that if the Owlz scored, the cowbell would be rung as incessantly as questions were fired. "The bell is ready!" The dude had some lungs, I'll give him that, so much so that rows "A" through "M" turned around to stare and mock him. Since I was only one seat away, it appeared as though I was accompanying him to the game, so I was most likely the object of mockery as well. Awesomely ironic, huh? Ron was also a tremendously loud clapper, about 7,546 decibels, in fact. My left ear is still ringing and I think I may be in need of a cochlear implant. By the way, the Owlz didn't score, so saints be praised, the bell was returned to the bag.

Here's my favorite thing that Ron did. There was a Chukars runner on first who stole second, but should have been called out. Ron asked me if he was safe or out. When I responded that he was safe, Ron roared, "THAT'S A BAD CALL, UMP!" I'm sorry Ron, but how the hell do you know? I was seriously waiting for Ron to ask the umpire if he was blind. That would have made for some incredibly ironic irony, huh?

After the last out, Blind Ron said, "Thank you for your help," grabbed his pink and teal gym bag and bolted out of there as though the place was going up in flames. Oh well, enough of Blind Man Ron. I guess I was released from my new position as play-by-play announcer for the visually impaired. I will miss that job.

See Golden Spike, buffalo, antelope and Orem hotties, including my new best friend, Ron, by clicking HERE.

Next stop: Day 13 at Zion National Park in Hurricane, Utah.

Day 11: Napoleon Dynamite and Ogden, Utah

WARNING: Today's is longer than usual due to the severe awesomeness experienced.

Click HERE to see photos from Day 11.

You know how the name of this blog is "Dave and Julia's Baseball (and other) Travels?" Well, our visit to Preston, Idaho today definitely counts as "other." I dedicate it to those of you who find all the baseball stuff to be boring. (For the record, I find you to be Communists, so there, we're even.)

The movie Napoleon Dynamite was filmed in Preston, Idaho. We happen to love this film from the first bar of Jack White's opening credits tune, We're Going to be Friends, to When in Rome's 80s song, The Promise, which plays during the end credits. The movie is stupid. It is plotless and pointless. Thus, it is our kind of humor. Needless to say, once I learned it was filmed in Idaho and that our travels would take us to the general vicinity, an "other" travel was hatched.

I first visited the Preston Chamber of Commerce website HERE when I was planning this 5,000 mile expedition of baseball, national parks and other assorted joy. The Chamber was naturally our first destination within the city limits. Upon entering, we met Penny (I hope I have her name right) and she was ridiculously friendly and helpful. We bought the movie site map for $1, but she was so cool that she told us about something not listed on the map - Tina, the llama's, whereabouts! I'm not sure why (or if she just tells everyone), but that tidbit of info filled me with instant glee. Yes, glee. The location of a semi-famous llama filled a 35 year-old child with glee. It’s not like we were anyone special - Penny had me sign the guest book and there were visitors from as far away as Ireland and England. Even so, she treated us like this was the first time she had ever talked to anyone about Napoleon. Thanks Penny! You helped make Preston sweeeeeeet.

We left the Chamber and went forth on our llama seeking mission. We followed Penny's down low directions to Tina's farm and lo and behold, who was standing in the middle of the pasture before us but TINA! There was another llama with her, so we weren't sure which one was the real Tina at first. Julia cupped her hands as though she had food and then this happened:Sorry that it's short and fat. In my overwhelming and joyous glee, I luckily remembered to film the llama galloping toward us at breakneck speed, but I was holding the camera vertically instead of horizontally. As you can see, that doesn't work so well.

It turns out that this little guy was NOT Tina, but Tina's son. Since we don't know his true identity, we'll call him "Timmy." Tina has apparently been spoiled by her recently acquired fame. She's what some might call, a diva. She doesn't eat ham or casseroles anymore - only caviar and portabella mushrooms lightly grilled with a dash of lemon pepper and tarragon. All of her linens must be of 800 thread counts at minimum and of the brightest, most pure shade of white. She does not sign autographs, nor does she pose for photos. In fact, Penny had to venture out into Tina's pasture in knee high snow to take a picture for a t-shirt and Tina simply turned and walked in the opposite direction. Penny walked three miles uphill (both ways) in that snow before she finally managed to snap the photo. Whatever Tina. You're not all that.

Who needs Tina anyway when you've got an all access pass to Timmy, free of charge? This llama of love bolted toward us like a southerner after sweet tea. Honestly, Julia was a tad bit frightened when he commenced his gallop. I just filmed it and hoped that no injuries occurred. I've never petted a llama before and have heard nothing positive about them - they can be mean, they spit at you, blah, blah, blah. Timmy was the antithesis of these descriptors – he was the friendliest animal I have ever encountered in my life. In fact, I might start collecting llamas instead of cats. After the gallop, he sniffed my face and head, licked me (and probably transmitted the plague) and continually nuzzled me until I petted him. He especially liked his head to be rubbed by the base of his ears. His eyes rolled back and drool bubbles formed at the corner of his mouth as I squeezed his llama head. He kept looking back at Tina, almost as if to make sure he had permission to play with us. He was friggin' sweet and we owe it all to Penny!

We finally left Llamaland and visited the other sites from the movie - Napoleon's house, Pedro's house, Preston High School, the thrift store where Napoleon bought his sweet suit, the store where he and Uncle Rico went shopping, Rex Kwan Dojo, the egg farm where Napoleon made $1 an hour moving chickens and even the playground with the tetherball pole. The playground, by the way, is not actually located at PHS - it's about a mile away behind an elementary school. The joys of editing. Speaking of editing, here's someone's Top 10 Napoleon Dynamite scenes condensed into a five minute video. In case you are unfamiliar with the movie or need a refresher, check it out. You'll also need it to match up some of our photos.
That's about it for our friggin’ awesome visit to Preston. Check out the photos to share in our glee-filled experience.

WARNING: All baseball, mom and apple pie hating Communists may scroll to the bottom now. Boredom commences...now.

From Preston, we moved on to our next baseball destination in Ogden, Utah. No bench clearing brawls tonight even with one of the same teams playing.

The Ogden Raptors play at Lindquist Field and other than Portland, it was our favorite ballpark on this trip and definitely in the Top 5 we've visited overall. Even with a 1-9 record and only 2,811 tickets sold (and maybe half of that actually in attendance), the crowd was in to it from the time the lineups were announced until the last out in the ninth. They, like me, just really seemed to enjoy the game and the incredible view. Here's an example of the view:
Sweet, huh?

As for eats, there was a Tex Mex stand where we got soft tacos and nachos that might have been the best I’ve ever eaten. Ever. In fact, after stuffing the two soft tacos down my gullet, I went back for a third. I devoured that one similarly to the way a velociraptor would attempt to consume a very stupid kid in a kitchen on an “amusement park island” in the middle of the ocean where dinosaurs were replicated from million year-old DNA captured from the blood of mosquitoes forever entombed in amber. But I digress… These tacos were that good. They were even more tasty than the calzones we had back in the monsoon in Casper, Wyoming about nine years ago when this road trip first began.

I was reminded of my friend from work, Mary Colleen, because as these happy fans all sang Take Me Out to the Ball Game in sweet unison; they swayed in much the same way as MCK when she carries on a seemingly normal conversation. Oh, pumpkin.

Okay, enough babbling – Homer sleep now. Just a reminder, even for you Commies, the photos from Day 11 can be viewed by clicking HERE.

By the way, as of 12:34 a.m. on July 2, my Raptors/Chukars brawl video had 1,078 views on YouTube already.

Next stop: Day 12 and Golden Spike National Historic Site, Antelope Island State Park in the Great Salt Lake and Orem, Utah.