Day 1: July 7 – More Luggage Joy, Vancouver and the Silver Shadow

Insert loud buzzing alarm clock noise very nearby my left cochlea here at 4:30 a.m. After a shower only to dress in yesterday’s clothes, we boarded the shuttle back to the ORD and arrived at 5:30 for The Luggage Sage: Episode II. Our intention was to board our 8:17 a.m. flight to Vancouver to catch the Silver Shadow. One must be on board the ship, hopefully with one’s luggage, by the time it leaves shore at 6 p.m. The Jones Act states that a ship leaving a foreign port (Vancouver) cannot pick up passengers once it enters American waters. Nutshell – miss the boat and screwed you are.

Instead of writing a humorous paragraph about the lies and conflicting information we endured from poor listening and overall non-helpful American Airlines staff, I humbly submit these bullet points:

• Lie #1:
Julia: “Our luggage got lost and we’re flying to Vancouver today to catch a cruise.”
AA Liar: “Go to the International counter…” The International counter was apparently not the correct place to inquire about luggage as we learned from JoAnn’s demeanor.

• Lie #2:
JoAnn at the International counter: “Your luggage is not here so I’ll change the delivery info in the computer.” She banged away at the keyboard in an elaborate ruse to convince us she was helping and even provided a new claim number, but we would later learn that all of her hunting and pecking was for naught as it was not changed.

• Lie #3:
JoAnn at the International counter: “When your luggage gets here on the 7:50 flight, “they” should see what I’ve put in here and get it to your United flight.” She added, “American is only responsible for getting your luggage to Chicago, not Vancouver since you are flying United there.” Apparently, that’s not a lie.

• Lie #4:
JoAnn at the International counter (after a co-worker gets a phone call and talks to her): “Your bag is here. Go down to carousel 6 to get it.” Woo hoo! Stress is lifted and we head downstairs.

We made our way to the counter as the minutes ticked away only to get in line behind a couple whose bags were also lost by our favorite luggage transporters. If only American had action movie star, Jason Statham, on staff… After another 15 wasted minutes, we reached the counter and the very dim, JoAnne – not the International counter JoAnn, but baggage idiot JoAnne with an “e.” In my last job, when training our student callers, we stressed “active listening,” which really means actual listening. Listen to what the person says so that you actually hear them instead of incorrectly trying to finish their thought. So it was with JoAnne. She didn’t listen to Julia's story; she just jumped right in to say that our luggage wasn’t there.

Julia: “JoAnn told us our luggage was down here.”
JoAnne: “I’m JoAnne.”
Julia: “JoAnne at the International counter.”
JoAnne: “I don’t know her.”

Great. So since you’ve never met your co-worker who works 1,000 steps from you, we suffer. Thanks American.

• Lie #5:
JoAnne: “So you want it delivered to the Four Points?”
Julia: “No. We checked out of there and JoAnn changed it and put the Vancouver delivery information in.”
JoAnne: “No she didn’t.”

So what was JoAnn doing for the 20 minutes she tapped the keys like Barry Manilow? Interesting. By that time we finished with JoAnne with nothing resolved and even more confusion added, it was 7:05 and we had to go from Terminal 3 to Terminal 1. A semi-smart/helpful AA employee advised not using the airport tram to get there since it goes the opposite direction to get there. So we walked 2 miles uphill in the snow barefooted with 72 pounds of luggage in tow. We tried to check our bag only to be alerted that we couldn’t since it was less than an hour until departure and were directed to a different agent who said we only missed it by 2 minutes and he would check it and that we’d be “okay.”

Then we hit the security cattle call as the clock wound closer to the magical “you’re screwed” time. We made our way through the X-ray and the fondling to find that we were, of course, at Gate 29, fourth from the last possible gate on planet earth. After running through ORD like Carl Lewis mixed with a little Usain Bolt, we arrived at Gate 29 as it was boarding. Somehow, we made the flight.

We landed in Vancouver and Julia had three messages from American saying that my luggage was in Chicago and they wanted to know where to deliver it. Review Lie #5 above. Julia was wise and had been in contact with the travel company folks who were working some of their magic behind the scenes. Once we reached the ship, we called and were told that the bag had left Chicago for Dallas en route to Vancouver where it would arrive at 8 p.m. Since the ship was leaving at 6 p.m. we were told that it would meet us in Ketchikan, Alaska on Saturday. Where in the World is Carmen San Diego and what has that beeyotch done with my luggage? By the way, Ketchikan on Saturday was Lie #6.

It turns out that I’m not the only one with additional travel stress caused by the lies of American Airlines and their baggage incompetency. Our new friends, and fellow Wash U travelers, a mother and daughter from Wilmington, NC were in even worse shape. NONE of their bags made the journey with them. Nothing. Not a stitch of clothing other than what they had on their backs. And really, it was only my bag and not Julia’s. Things could have been much worse. The problem is that there are events requiring formal attire and three of us have no attire, much less any of the formal type.

So Julia and I went to the mall in Vancouver to pick up a few things so I’d smell less and the NC friends had to overspend in the boutiques on the ship. They got matching mother-daughter velour sweat suits of a fashionable nature, but now look eerily similar to Sopranos characters in duplicate.

See the photos from Day 1 HERE.